The Rescue Of Bella Jade

“Hi, Bella Jade!  Remember me?”

“Yes, Algernon,” Bella groaned, wanting to sink beneath the floor.  She mechanically scrawled Algernon’s name in the flyleaf followed by her own signature.  She returned him the book by pushing it forcefully into his arms, trying to move him along.

Algernon failed to get the hint, of course.  “Remember the writers’ convention?” he asked.

How could Bella forget?  Algernon had followed Bella around, unshakeable as a lost little puppy dog.  Bella’s attempts to rid herself of the pest had culminated in Algernon binding her to a chair in her room and gagging her with towels from the bathroom.  The ordeal had finally ended when hotel security had come looking for her when she failed to appear for her scheduled speech.

That had not been the first time she’d been tied up, nor the last.  In fact, she’d been bound and gagged so often she took it as a regular feature in her life.  Once she’d been released, she had hurried to the auditorium and made her speech to thunderous applause.

When she arrived home later that evening, she’d surprised a burglar, resulting in her being tied up for the second time that day.

“Why does that keep happening to me?” she wondered.  “It’s gotten to the point the police don’t even respond to my calls anymore.  Which is really….”  Her thoughts broke off in confusion as she realized Algernon was still rambling on.

“I’ve had to self-publish because everyone’s afraid to publish my books, they’re so awesome,” he explained.  “I know my writing’s good because my mother told me so and she would know, because she’s a secretary and has to write stuff herself.  I’m starting a new novel tomorrow.  Hey, maybe I could make one of the characters a redheaded girl like you!”

“Please don’t put me in your book, Algernon.”

“Oh, that’s so like you, Bella, so modest.  I know you really want to, though, so don’t worry.  But you know, as I write I need to remember to put in plenty of similes, because good writing means plenty of similes.”

“They should be sprinkled in liberally, like ground pepper in a homemade stew,” Bella agreed, immediately regretting she had said anything to encourage him

“Exactly,” Algernon enthused.  “So, let’s say someone was really happy.  What would you say he was as happy as?”

“I’m not writing your book for you, Algernon.”

“It’s not for my book,” he insisted.  “I’m talking about similes in general, just to get into the spirit of things.  So, what is something somebody would be as happy as?  Hey!  Help!”

Algernon shouted “Help!” because the enormous man behind him turned him around, grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and lifted Algernon into the air.  “Hey, you!” he said.  “Move along!  In case you ain’t noticed, there’s a bunch of other people wanting books signed and we’re getting sick and tired of waiting for you to stop yapping!”

Algernon clawed ineffectively at the meaty hand holding him up.  “Just how sick and tired would you say you are?” he gasped.  “Sick and tired as a what?”

As the big man searched for an answer, the smaller man standing next to him spoke up.  “We’re as sick and tired as someone who’s plenty sick and tired of standing in line.”

“You obviously don’t understand similes,” Algernon huffed.

“Mouse,” the small man said, “let’s not waste no more time on this bozo.  Chuck him out like yesterday’s garbage.”

“Sure thing, Brains.”  The big man lightly tossed Algernon aside.  Algernon unrumpled himself and looked longingly over at Bella’s table, not daring to advance.  “My book,” he whined.  “Ouch!” he added as the big man threw it at him.

“Thank you for getting rid of that pest,” said Bella, wondering if Algernon really had left or was merely lurking somewhere, waiting to strike again.

“It was our pleasure,” said the small man.  “You can make that out to us, Mouse and Brains.”

“I’m Mouse,” the big man said, jabbing himself in the chest with his thumb.

“Nice to meet you, Mouse and Brains.”

Brains looked at Bella’s photograph on the back of the book and then at Bella.  “You are Bella Jade, right?” he asked.  “The author?”

“Yes, that’s me,” said Bella.

“Just checking,” said Brains.  “We was fooled by impostures before, so we’ve learned to check.”

“It’s really me, Bella Jade,” she assured him.  “Signing my newest book.”

“It was really good,” said Mouse.  “I didn’t understand some of it, but Brains explained them bits to me.  He’s smart.”

“Hey, we got another book for you to sign,” said Brains.  “Could you make it out to Alpha?”

“He weren’t able to come,” Mouse explained.  “Owing to how he’s getting things ready for a surprise get-together we’re having later today.”

“Right, to Alpha,” Bella agreed.  “There you go.  Hey, I need to keep signing books for a bit, but would you mind keeping close and walking me out when I finish?”

Mouse scrunched his face into a wink.  “It would be our pleasure.”

“Yeah, that would fit our plans just fine,” agreed Brains.

Bella frowned, not quite understanding, but she had another book to sign and soon forgot the remark.

The minutes ticked by.  “Well, that’s the last one!” Bella announced.  “You guys ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s scram,” said Mouse.

“Wow, what a big bag you’ve got there!” Bella exclaimed.  “It’s bigger than I am!”

“We’re picking somewhat up that’s really big in this store,” Mouse explained, jabbing the elevator button.

They bundled inside.  “Quick, close it!” Bella pleaded.  Algernon was running towards them!

Algernon shouted something and banged his hands on the doors just as they closed.  “Whew!” Bella exclaimed.  “That was a close call.  I’m glad he didn’t get in here with us, because they don’t have any security cameras in the elevators, and who knows what might have happened?  So, what are you guys picking up here?”

The elevator continued its downward descent.  The doors opened on the ground floor.  Brains stepped out, followed by Mouse, who carried a bulging bag over his shoulder.  A couple customers looked over in curiosity.  It seemed the bag was moving and making odd noises!  One person looked at another, wondering, but before they could do anything, the two partners were gone.

………………..
“Hey, Alpha we’re back,” Mouse called out.

“And with the target,” Brains added.

“Wipe your feet on the mat,” Alpha ordered.  He viewed the squirming bag in Mouse’s hands.  “You did bring the correct target, I assume?”

Mouse and Brains shuffled their feet and cleared their throats.

“You do recall what happened in our last operation?” Alpha asked.  “Your carelessness in bringing the wrong person proved quite costly.  I cannot afford continuing to fund operations that fail to bring in dividends.”

“This really is Bella Jade,” Mouse insisted.  “We compared her to the photo and asked her name.”

Brains handed Alpha his book and pointed to the writing on the flyleaf.  “Look, here’s her signature.”

“Should we get her outta the bag now, Alpha?” Mouse asked.  “Bella Jade’s prolly getting tired of being all cooped up in there.”

Alpha held up a forestalling hand.  “Just a minute.”  He checked his appearance in the mirror, carefully straightening his tie and coaxing an errant strand of hair back into place.  “You may release our guest from the bag now.”

Bella blinked her eyes as took in her new surroundings.  She was trussed with ropes around her legs and torso, so all she could do was wiggle her body a bit, and gagged with a strip of cloth so all she could say was the odd muffled noise.  Apparently, she was in an abandoned house, sparsely furnished with a few chairs and an old table, contrasting oddly with a set of modern speakers, a laptop computer, and a camcorder.

Mouse gently but firmly placed her in one of the chairs while Brains added more ropes to insure she would remain seated.  Alpha watched them before finally speaking.

“Hello, Bella Jade.  My name is Alpha and, as is probably clear to you, this is a kidnapping for ransom.  Your editor will surely pay a handsome fee to have such a successful author as you wielding her pen once again, so to speak.  In the brief meantime, we will do what we can to make you as comfortable as circumstances permit.  Sadly, we cannot offer you any refreshment, as you will remain gagged for the entirety of you stay with us.  However, I am certain that will be for the briefest of moments and so should not prove too much of an inconvenience to you.”

“Don’t worry, Bella,” Mouse cut in anxiously.  “We got some music what you can listen to so’s to pass the time.”

“As my associate has remarked,” Alpha said, “we will try to make you stay somewhat more pleasant by allowing you to listen to a satellite radio station playing, completely without commercials, alternative rock.  If I am not mistaken, you enjoy that music, yes?”

It took Bella a minute to respond.  In all her experiences being tied up she had never had a captor show any interest in her comfort during her ordeal.  However, she finally nodded her head in enthusiastic agreement.  Alpha waved a universal remote and music filled the small room.

“Is that loud enough for you?”

Bella tilted her head, asking for a bit more volume and Alpha complied.

“Very good.”  Alpha rubbed his hands to together.  “I need to leave you for a bit to contact your publisher, but Mouse and Brains will look after you during my absence.  And while I’m gone, I want you to keep a sharp watch on her.”

“We won’t take our eyes off her for a second,” Brains assured him.

“Because I know how slippery these damsels in distress can be,” Alpha said.  “I shall be most displeased if I return and discover our guest has left.”

Bella sighed.  She certainly didn’t feel slippery.  She probed her ropes, testing with her hands and feet, but couldn’t find any weak spots.  As she considered her situation, she heard the radio start playing a classic by the Tight Chords, so Bella relaxed and let the music carry her along.

What else could she do?

Brains tossed Mouse a deck of cards.  “Shuffle ‘em,” he ordered.

The big man cascaded the cards in his hands a couple times.  “Sorry we can’t deal you in, Bella.”  He tossed out cards on the table one by one.  “But Alpha’d get plenty mad if he found out we untied even one of your hands.”

Bella would have liked to let him know that she wouldn’t tell on them if they did, but the gag kept her from making any coherent sounds.

Mouse arranged the cards his hands.  “You got any sevens?” he asked.

“Go fish,” grunted Brains.

They played several quick hands before Mouse stretched and rubbed his stomach.  “I’m hungry,” he announced.  “Hey, Brains, how about some samwiches?”

“Yeah, let’s see what Alpha’s got in the kitchen,” said Brains.

The kitchen door closed.  Bella looked around the empty room.  This was her chance to escape!  If only there were some way to get rid of these impossible ropes!

“Having a little trouble, Bella Jade?”

The unexpected voice would have made Bella scream if she hadn’t been gagged.  “Algernon?” she tried to ask.

“I knew those guys were trouble when I saw you leaving with them,” Algernon said.  “I tried to warn you, but they were too quick!  Lucky for you I followed them here.  I’ve been waiting for my chance, but now I’ll rescue you!”

Bella had sometimes written about a character experiencing mixed emotions.  She certainly was feeling them now.  While she definitely wanted a rescuer, she would have preferred anyone to Algernon.

But, of course, she didn’t have any say in the matter.

“No time to untie all these ropes,” Algernon decided.  “I’ll drag the chair out to Mother’s van.”

He tilted the chair (and Bella along with it) backward and pulled.  The legs ground in loud protest as they scraped the bare floor.  Bella looked towards the kitchen, expecting to see Mouse and Brains run out.

Algernon paused, alarmed by the unexpected noise, but, seeing no one came, took confidence and tugged again.  The grinding noise seemed even louder, but Algernon didn’t pause again as he quickly pulled her outside.

“You’re rescued now,” he announced.  “All thanks to me!”

………………..
“You know, Algernon, the usual thing is to untie a damsel in distress after you’ve rescued her.”

At least, that’s what Bella Jade tried to say, except she was still gagged as well as still tied to the same chair.

Algernon had secured the chair in the back of the van and driven home.  He’d then dragged her into his basement bedroom, keeping as quiet as he could so his mother wouldn’t hear anything.

“Mother wouldn’t like it if she knew I brought you home,” he’d explained.

Bella mumbled into her gag again, asking for release.

“I’d better not untie you just yet,” Algernon decided.  “I’ve noticed girls get awfully shy around me and that causes them to get all antisocial and run away, usually after they’ve said something they don’t mean like, ‘Stop bothering me, Algernon,’ or ‘I’ve already got a boyfriend, Algernon,’ or ‘I wouldn’t go on a date with you if you were the last guy on Earth, Algernon.’  Therefore, I think I’ll keep you tied up until you’ve had a chance to get more comfortable around me.  You know, like we started to do that day at the hotel until we were interrupted.”

Bella squirmed, trying much harder to escape the ropes than she had back at the hideout.  Unfortunately, she had no more luck slipping free now than then.

“To pass the time, what do you say I read you a little of what I’ve written so far?” Algernon suggested, opening his laptop.  “You remember I told you I was starting a new novel, right?  Here we go!  Ahem.  ‘Fred was happy.  Very, very happy.  Indeed, you could go so far as to say Fred was as happy as a clam.’”

Bella rolled her eyes.

“I went with the ‘happy as a clam’ simile because everyone’s heard that expression so I felt my readers could easily relate to it.  Although, I wonder what is it about clams that makes people say they’re so happy?  Personally, I would have thought…”

“Algernon!!!  Do you have a girl in your room???”

“No, Mother!” Algernon shouted.

“Because you know you’re not allowed to have a girl there with you!!!”

“Yes, Mother, I know!  No one’s with me!”

“I think you DID sneak a girl in!  I’m coming down to check!”

“MPFFF!” Bella called out through her gag, trying to make as much noise as possible to encourage Algernon’s mother to follow through on her threat.

“No, Mother don’t come down!  I’m here all alone.  I swear!”

There was a moment of silence.

“She won’t come down,” Algernon said, and then, noticing Bella was still trying to make noise, slipped a CD into his laptop.  “Maybe we should have some music,” he suggested.  “This is my favorite album, so of course I know you’ll like it too.  It’s a collection of yodels.  That should drown out… I mean, that should be something nice for you to listen to.

“Most people don’t know this,” he continued as the music started, “but there are two distinct types of yodeling music, Alpine and Cowboy.  You’ll be pleased to hear, Bella, that this CD contains both!  Isn’t that exciting?”

“Algernon!!!  Turn that horrible noise down!!!”

“It isn’t horrible noise, Mother!” Algernon shouted back, but he eased the sound a trifle.  “It’s terrible the way she orders me around, even though I’m all grown up.  ‘My house, my rules,’” he mimicked.  “She still thinks I’m six years old.  It’s time to cut the umbilical cord!  Why should I have to put up with her telling me what I can or can’t do?  Why shouldn’t I have a girl over if I want?  Or listen to wild music?  Or eat a meal of corn chips and donuts and beef jerky?”

For the first time, Bella felt glad he had left her gagged, not having any idea what to say.  “I wish Algernon had never found me,” she said to herself.  “It wasn’t great being all tied up at the other place, but at least I could listen to good music and those guys were okay company, for being kidnappers.  I wish I were back there!  Well, what I really wish is that I were free, but…”

“I wish someone would tie Mother up,” Algernon said moodily.  “Then I could do as I pleased.  And if they askedfor a ransom then they’d sure be out of luck because I wouldn’t be in any hurry to pay, I’ll tell you.  Hey!  Help!”

“What’s the big idea, you?” Mouse demanded, shaking Algernon as he lifted him.  “Capturing Bella Jade like that?”

“How’d you get in here?” Algernon squeaked.

Brains strode up by his partner and folded his arms.  “We got our methods.”

“Sorry we was careless, Bella, and let this bozo make off with you, but you ain’t got nothing to worry about now,” Mouse said, giving her a smile full of crooked teeth.  “We’ll get you outta here.”

“You’re trying to steal Bella back?” asked Algernon.  “No!  I won’t let you!  I rescued her and she’s staying!”  His tiny hands flailed wildly, landing mosquito bite blows on Mouse’s chest.

“We’re taking Bella back whether you like it or not!” Mouse shouted.

Algernon stopped his futile attacks, suddenly aware of his danger.  “Please keep your voice down,” he pleaded, looking frantically at the ceiling.

“Algernon!!!  Are you having a party???  You know I don’t approve of parties!!!”

“It’s nothing, Mother!”

“It doesn’t sound like it’s nothing!!!  I’m really coming down this time and if I find you’ve snuck a girl in then you’ll be in big trouble, Mister!!!”

“Come on, Mouse,” said Brains.  “Grab Bella and let’s scram.  If we’re quick Alpha won’t know she was never gone.”  He whirled on Algernon.  “Or do you think you can stop us?”

“No, take her away,” Algernon pleaded.  “Oh, please, hurry, before Mother gets here!”

………………..
A few minutes later, Bella Jade, still gagged and bound to her chair, was at the hideout once again.

The radio continued playing the alternative rock music and Mouse and Brains resumed their card game.  Bella continued trying to slip her bonds, more out of a sense that she should at least try rather than that she had much hope of success.

“I’m just too well tied up,” she told herself, having quite a bit of experience in the matter.  “I’m not going anywhere until my ransom gets paid.  Hopefully that’ll be pretty soon, but at least on the bright side, as long as I’m here I’m safe from Algernon!”