Not A Happy Bunny

Kitty smiled, not because she wanted to, but because once the bunnygirl outfit went on, so did the smile.  Kitty’s wavy hair, dark blonde with gold highlights, fell gently down to her waist.  Sky-blue was the color of choice for her leotard, high heels, and long, pointy ears, trimmed with white.

Kitty had sharply bent down one of those ears when she had changed into her costume, the one small way she felt she could display her unhappiness.  Earlier that day she had received a poor grade from her Creative Writing teacher, accompanied with caustic remarks.

“You can’t just have a knight show up at the end to set everything right when you haven’t even hinted to his existence earlier in the story,” the teacher had sneered.

Kitty had tried to argue that she had heard that in medieval times, knights rode all over the place looking to rescue damsels in distress and otherwise perform deeds of derring-do, so she felt Sir Vincent’s unexpected arrival to save Princess Tabitha was completely plausible.  Besides, he didn’t really fit in anywhere earlier in the story, but the teacher had merely repeated her position and left Kitty to blink back tears of disappointment.

“One day when I’m a famous author I’ll send her an autographed copy of my newest bestseller and then she’ll see what good writing’s all about!” Kitty promised herself.

Currently, however, any such potential bestselling novel consisted of merely a few notes and character biographies on her home computer, so she tried to forget the teacher’s unpleasant attitude and instead concentrated her mind for her upcoming job interview.  She walked along the busy sidewalk of downtown Manchester, New Hampshire, traipsing past the Granite State Building, a skyscraper so tall its top was lost in the gray clouds high above.  She took in the admiring glances that came her way, wincing in concern at the sound of car crashes, of which there appeared to be an alarming number that particular afternoon.  “People really should pay better attention to the road when they drive!” she thought as she glanced around, hunting for her destination.  “I wonder what has everyone so distracted?”

Tingle, tingle, tingle, went the bell on the door and “Welcome, welcome, welcome,” went the short, bald man who waddled from behind the counter.  “Welcome to Badminton’s Used Tires.  Name’s Horace Badminton.  What do I have to do today to fix up your vehicle with a set of brand-new used tires, all of which are (and I’ll sue anyone who says otherwise!) one-hundred percent street legal?”

“I’m not here for tires,” Kitty explained.  “My name’s Katherine Hopper, but you can call me Kitty, and I’m here for the job.”

“Come into my office,” Horace invited, leading the way.  He slouched down behind a desk cluttered with stacks of paper.  “Have a seat.”

“Thank you.”  Kitty swung the folding chair around and, lowering herself slightly, perched on the back of the chair, gracefully completing the maneuver with practiced self-assurance.

“What, you have to sit that way when you wear that costume?” Horace asked.

“Pretty much.”  Kitty fished a sky-blue handkerchief from her handbag and blew her noise.  “Excuse me.  Spring allergies,” she explained.

“Well, seeing as you’re the only applicant…” Horace began.  Tingle, tingle, tingle.  “Hang on, Kitty, got a customer.  Wait, no it’s a gorilla.”

“A what‽”

“Someone in a gorilla costume,” he clarified.  “Must be applying for the job, too.”

Kitty gave a gasp of surprise as the newcomer entered the office, a large backpack strapped to his bulky frame.  He beat his hands on his chest in imitation of movie apes.  “If you’re looking to drive customers into your shop, then I’m your man!” he said loudly, his voice so distorted by the mask covering his entire head that Kitty could barely understand him.

“Let me see,” said Horace.  “I can hire a pretty bunnygirl to stand outside and wave a sign around to attract customers, or I can go with a guy in a gorilla outfit.  Hmm.  Kitty, you got the job.”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Badminton!” Kitty exclaimed.

“What do you mean by that?” roared the gorillaboy.

“What, is that mask affecting your hearing?” yelled Horace.  “I mean Kitty’s got the job and you don’t, chimp!”

“You’ll be sorry!” snarled the gorillaboy as he stomped out.

“I own a used tire shop, I’m already sorry,” said Horace.  “Kitty, here’s the sign.  Can you start right away?”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Badminton!”  Kitty snatched the large placard, reading Badminton’s Blowout Deals!  She twirled it with the eagerness of a majorette at a homecoming football game.  “I’ll do such a good job, you’ll soon have a store filled with customers, you’ll see!”

She bounded outside, all eagerness, only to give a scream of surprise.  A furry arm reached from behind, pinning her arms against her sides, while a thick, rubber glove in the shape of a gorilla’s hand clamped over her mouth….

………………..
If Kitty could have bent down her other bunny ear in sadness, she would have done so.  She could not touch her costume ears, however.  Ropes bound her wrists behind her back, and circled her torso, securing her arms.  Her legs were bound together with ropes that crisscrossed from her ankles up to just above her knees.  A white cloth was lodged inside her mouth; a second white cloth stretched between her teeth, its ends knotted together at the back of her head.

The gorillaboy had acted quickly, tying her right on the sidewalk outside Badminton’s Used Tires.  A few people had screamed and a couple had stepped forward, but the gorillaboy had roared loudly, causing them to step back again in panic.  Once he’d had her secured, he had carried her across the street, into the lobby of Granite State Building.  The elevator was filling with passengers, but another roar from the gorillaboy caused it to empty in a hurry.  Up, up, up, they went, until they reached the top floor.

The gorillaboy had carried Kitty up a short flight of steps, onto a broad ledge just below the uppermost roof, and had leaned her against a stack of soft bundles containing pink fiberglass insulation.

As Kitty struggled to free herself from the ropes binding her, the gorillaboy struggled with his current situation.  He immediately regretted the impulse that had caused him to kidnap Kitty.  He knew he ought to untie his captive and lead her back downstairs.  However, he could see the police cars on the street, far below him, surrounding the building.  He would be arrested immediately.  So, no, that wasn’t an option.

He sighed, realizing that eventually the police would contact him, asking what his demands were, and he didn’t have any.  Well, he did want the job at Badminton’s Used Tires, but somehow he didn’t think that really was possible, now.  He frowned, wondering what to do.

Kitty, of course, was busy contemplating her own predicament.  She watched the gorillaboy angrily tear open a few packages of fiberglass insulation in frustration, before he finally tossed his backpack aside and slumped down.  He stretched out on top of the pile of insulation packaging, becoming so still that Kitty decided he must have fallen asleep.  This was her chance to escape!

She took a deep breath through her nose, leaned forward slightly, and took an awkward hop.  She landed uncomfortably on the hard surface, wobbled slightly, and then straightened herself.  It wasn’t easy, but she took another breath and hopped forward again.  She would reach the roof access door!

She looked over her shoulder, but if the gorillaboy noticed her attempt to escape, he gave no sign.  “He’s still asleep,” Kitty thought happily, gathering her energy for another hop.  Inch by inch she hobbled forward until she reached the door.

She wrinkled her nose irritably.  It itched terribly, so she rubbed it against the door, but that only provided a small measure of relief.  “Once I get away, I’ll be able to give it a proper scratch then!” she promised herself, slowly turning her body around.  “I hope someone can help me, though, because I can’t imagine how I’d hop down those stairs.”  She groped out with her hands, reaching blindly for the doorknob, and turned.

Or rather, tried turning it.

“Locked!” she realized unhappily after about her fifth attempt.

She wrinkled her nose again, wishing the itching would stop, and hopped forward.  The gorilla boy was still reposing quietly on the insulation.  “Is there some other way off the roof?” she asked herself.  She continued her slow progress, turning a corner so she could no longer see the gorillaboy.  “And that means he can’t see me escaping.  But, how can I escape?  Hmm, that looks promising….”

A metal ladder rose the short distance from the ledge to the top of the building.  Kitty turned herself around again and reached blindly with her hands.  She felt the cool metal between her arms.  “I’ll have this cut loose in no time!” she old herself.  “Once my arms are free, I can untie my legs.”

Even if she could, there was still the matter of the locked door, but Kitty did not allow herself to dwell on that obstacle, feeling she would think of something once she was free of her ropes.  She dipped her body slightly and raised herself again, pressing against the metal edge of the ladder.  She wrinkled her nose; the itching was worse than ever!  She kept a fearful eye open for her abductor as she tried cutting her ropes.  She expected to see him charge around the corner any instant and put an end to her escape attempt.  Moments passed, however, and the gorillaboy did not appear.  She was going to escape!

Or, perhaps not.  As she continued her motions, the sad realization came to her that those efforts to cut the ropes were not accomplishing anything.  She could not feel any loosening whatsoever on her bonds.

“I guess the edge isn’t sharp enough,” she realized in disappointment as she hopped away.  “I’ll have to find something else.”  She rounded another corner and stared at a collection of pipes.  They didn’t look particularly promising at first, but…

“That air duct, it has corners, probably sharp enough to cut my ropes!  It’s worth a try!”  She sighed inside, though.  The duct was far off (at least it seemed so to someone who had her legs tied together), and she was so very tired of hopping!  “And the itching in my nose is driving me crazy!  But I’ll keep going.  I’ll get there and then I’ll finally be free.  Oh, please, don’t let that gorilla come looking for me just yet!”

Her optimism gave her new energy for another hop, but just as she bent her knees, a strong arm reached out from behind, grabbing her tightly!

………………..
Kitty screamed in anger and frustration, as loudly as her gag permitted.  She had been so close!

“Shh!  Please don’t make any noise, Kitty.  You don’t want that guy in the gorilla outfit to wake up and catch you again, do you?”

“What?” Kitty asked in disbelief as her gag was untied.  She looked at her rescuer, a young man dressed in a dark t-shirt and blue jeans.  He had blond hair and a concerned smile as he hurriedly untied the ropes binding her.

“I heard about you being captured and brought up here,” he explained.  “You’re all over the news, Kitty!  So I came to your rescue!”

“Thank you very much,” Kitty said politely, rubbing her hand on her nose.  Relief at last!  “But, how did you manage the locked door?”

“I used to work in the building’s maintenance department.  I still have a key.  Can you walk okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” said Kitty, glad to move her legs again.  “But, what about the gorillaboy?”

“He’s over here, sleeping, I guess.”  He beckoned Kitty with a finger, cautiously leading the way.  “So we have to keep quiet, okay?”

“Okay,” agreed Kitty in a whisper, before, with a loud “ACHOO!” a tremendous sneeze exploded from her.

“Shh!” her rescuer cried out desperately.  “We can’t wake him up!”

“I’m sorry!” Kitty exclaimed, slapping a hand over her nose.  “Oh, no, he’s moving!”

“No, he you can clearly see he’s not,” he said irritably.  “No thanks to you, though.  Do you think maybe you could keep quiet for about two seconds, or is that asking too much of you?”

“Please don’t yell at me,” Kitty pleaded.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, Kitty.  I really didn’t mean to, but I’ve just got a terrible temper and it causes me to act out.  I always calm down pretty quick afterwards, though, and try to make things right.  I really didn’t mean to yell at you, so I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said Kitty.  “Whew, you’re right, though.  He’s not moving at all.  He’s just lying there.  He must be quite a sleeper.”

“Yes, he must be, but keep quiet until we’re inside.  Then you can make all the noise you like.”

“That’s good, because I feel another sneeze coming on,” whispered Kitty.

“Hold it in,” he said, fiddling with his key ring.  “Here we go.  Ladies first!”

Kitty stepped forward into freedom.  “Achoo!” she sneezed.  “Thank you again, um… by the way, what’s your name?”

“Vincent.”

“Really?” Kitty asked in wonder, recalling Vincent was the very same name she had given the knight who had so unexpectedly come to the rescue of Princess Tabitha in her short story.  So, this situation was much the same, she realized.  Well, except her Sir Vincent was a lot politer than this Vincent, but still, it seemed remarkable.  “It just goes to show someone can suddenly show up to make everything right, someone completely new.  Because I’d never even heard of you until the moment you untied me, Vincent.”

“I don’t think I understand what you’re saying, Kitty,” Vincent said.

“I just mean I’ll have something interesting to tell my Creative Writing teacher.”

Vincent shook his head, but led Kitty to the elevators.  A minute later, they were surrounded by reporters and police officials shouting questions at them.

“Kitty!  What a relief!  I’m glad you’re okay!”  Horace Badminton, Kitty’s employer, stood at the front of the nearby crowd, looking very concerned for her safety as he proudly waved his advertising placard whenever a camera turned his direction.

A reporter thrust a microphone into Vincent’s face.  “Do you think it was a good idea, going up there on your own, without knowing what the abductor might do?”

“I knew a damsel in distress needed rescuing, so that is what I did,” Vincent replied.  He proved quite photogenic, the producers decided, especially standing next to a bunnygirl, so his remarkable rescue of Kitty became the lead news story on every one of Manchester’s television stations that evening.

………………..
Realizing the gorillaboy no longer had a hostage, the police raced to the roof of the Granite State Building.  To their surprise, they discovered the gorilla costume stuffed with pink fiberglass insulation.  They thoroughly searched the rooftop, but could find no trace of Kitty’s abductor.

They puzzled over his mysterious disappearance for a short time, but, realizing the important thing was Kitty’s safe rescue, eventually assigned the matter into the Unsolved Cases Files, where it was promptly forgotten.