Flat Out Villainy - Part One

"Muhahahaha!" Overlord Negatron laughed evilly.  This thoroughly despicable individual, whose ambition was to become supreme dictator of the cosmos, was dressed in his battle gear, a ruby-red unitard, a spiked black crown inlaid with silver on his burnt-orange hair, and black shoes on his otherwise bare feet.  "Once again, Captain Britney Pulsar, you have fallen into my clutches!"

"Mpfff!" replied the brave space heroine, for a thick strip of silver-colored tape stretched over her mouth.  The tape was made of a futuristic material so that, however she might try to move her jaw, lips, and tongue, the gag stayed firmly in place.

Thick, dull-gray ropes encircled her, binding her in a standing position against a round, narrow rock formation that jutted like a pillar from the rusty-red surface of the mysterious asteroid.  Her hands were crossed and bound behind this odd natural formation, while several coils of rope kept her in place, surrounding her and the pillar around her ankles, knees, stomach, and shoulder blades.  These ropes were made of material soft yet unyielding, so that they caused her no discomfort while keeping her firmly secured.  Less rope would have held her just as well, but Overlord Negatron was a firm believer in overstatement.

Captain Pulsar wore the standard uniform of a commissioned officer of the United Space Exploratory Force:  a minidress with exaggerated shoulders, colored purple with black trim and a utility belt of medium-blue, which contained numerous handy gadgets, all tantalizingly out of reach.  White, high-heeled boots that rose up to her bare knees completed her ensemble.  Her remarkably voluminous hair, pastel-green with subtle yellow and teal highlights, was partially gathered into a ponytail, which rose slightly upward in the light gravity.

"Your meddling comes to an end now," the space villain informed her.  "Are you aware that this asteroid is on a collision course with disaster?"

"Mpfff?" Captain Pulsar's violet eyes opened wide with surprise.

"Oh, allow me to enlighten you!" he cackled gleefully.  "Yes, another asteroid of nearly identically size and mass is heading directly this way!"

"Mpfff!"

"And it is composed entirely of antimatter!  Once these two worlds meet, it'll be the end of both, along with anyone unfortunate enough to remain behind, such as you, Captain!"

"Mpfff!"

"I would so love to stay and see it, but of course, I must get myself to safety.  Therefore, I take my leave of you.  Good-bye, finally, for the very last time!"

Captain Pulsar watched as her longtime nemesis climbed aboard his space cruiser and blasted into the starry sky.  Her own spaceship was nearby, but it might as well have been light-years away for all that she could reach it.  Was that antimatter asteroid really headed her way?  Somehow, she was certain it was.  She had to get free!  She tried moving her wrists to slide the ropes against pillar, looking for a sharp edge.

There, she found one!  She rubbed her hands up and down and side to side, just the little she could.  She strained forward, trying to put pressure on the ropes.  Surely the rope would cut loose!  But no, the material was too strong.  All her efforts accomplished nothing!

She looked upward.  A fiery streak of light had appeared above her.  Was that the asteroid already?  How much time did she have?  She wasn't sure, but it couldn't possibly be much.  She pulled on her ropes, but the knots held.  She looked around, but no help was in sight!  The eerie orb in the sky slowly but steadily grew larger and larger….

___
"We need to rescue Captain Pulsar, Earthling," announced Lllrij.  The short, squat alien appeared to be composed of lime gelatin except for his bright yellow eyes, which were diagonal and oval, each containing two narrow, black pupils that looked like quotation marks.  He thrust a copy of Captain Britney Pulsar, Space Explorer!, open to the last page, into Matt's hand.

Matt had met Lllrij earlier that summer during a camping trip.  Lllrij, being stranded on Earth, had followed Matt home and moved into his Manhattan apartment.  At first, Matt had objected to the arrangement, but matters had quickly worked out very well for him, as Lllrij made the compartment under the kitchen sink his bedroom and paid his share of the rent and living expenses promptly.  Upon arriving in the metropolis, he had found a job as a New York City taxi cab driver, a job he performed exceptionally well, having never once driven a fare to the correct destination.

"I've explained this to you before, Lllrij; none of what's happening is real," sighed Matt, glancing at the final two pages of the comic book before tossing it onto the couch.  Lllrij's home planet did not possess the concept of fiction, a situation that caused him a considerable amount of confusion, particularly whenever the television was tuned into a political debate.  "These stories always end with her in some kind of impossible danger.  She'll get out of it somehow when the next issue comes out in a month."

"Captain Pulsar does not have a month to escape, human!  If I estimate events correctly, that antimatter asteroid will annihilate her within the next two or three hours!  We must go to her rescue now, now, NOW!"

"Is everything all right, boys?" asked Marsha-Anne mildly, looking in on them.  Marsha-Anne was Matt's girlfriend.  They had met during the same camping trip that Matt had met Lllrij.  Marsha-Anne resembled Britney Pulsar quite a bit in her physical appearance, except her impossibly voluminous hair was a natural color of deep brown and not worn in a ponytail, but rather, swirled about the top of her hair before falling down past her shoulders like a waterfall of the creamiest milk chocolate.  And, of course, she was not wearing a futuristic space uniform, but rather comfortable clothes suitable for lounging at home.

"Yes, everything's fine!" exclaimed Matt.  "Lllrij is just excited about something he saw in a comic book, is all."

"Okay, then, please try to keep it quiet, all right?  I'm busy on the computer, composing a message to Professor Falconine.  Honestly, how someone who has so many incorrect notions about the universe ever became an expert on astronomy is a mystery to me."

"Okay, sweetie, have a good time setting the Prof straight," enthused Matt.

"Everything is not fine, human!" sputtered Lllrij angrily, retrieving the comic book and opening it again.  "Captain Pulsar is in dire peril.  Or are you too cowardly to do anything about the matter?"

"Okay, fine; I'll help you save her," agreed Matt.  "What are we supposed to do, dive into the picture?"

"The naiveté of you Earthlings never ceases to astonish me," mumbled Lllrij, disappearing into the kitchen.  He reappeared a moment later, clutching a pulsing platinum-gray cube in a hand he had created, for he could shape his body somewhat.  "We will use this to enter the second dimension, of course."

"Of course," said Matt dully.  "What am I supposed to do?"

"Just keep still and I will operate the device."  Lllrij created another hand as he muttered under his breath.

"I wonder how Lllrij will react when nothing happens?" pondered Matt, for he did not believe the two of them would enter the comic book realm.  He was wrong about that, of course, as he discovered seven seconds later.

___
"Where are we?" asked Matt in bewilderment.  He and Lllrij were no longer in his living room, but rather outdoors on a dull red surface, rocky, jagged, and uninviting.

"We are on the asteroid Polyphemus, naturally," answered Lllrij.  He pointed behind them, and, as Matt looked back, he saw through an opening in the air the interior of his apartment.  "We can return once we have completed our rescue of Captain Pulsar."

"Um, right," agreed Matt weakly.  He glanced up, noticing the angry red blur, very large in the sky.  "Where is she?"

"We should have been brought closer to her, but no matter," answered Lllrij.  "I recognize the terrain well enough.  Follow me, Earthling."

He slithered along the ground, while Matt followed, bouncing high into the air with every step.  "I always wanted to experience low gravity!" he announced in excitement.

"It is curious, though," observed Lllrij.  "This rock contains a thick atmosphere, high in oxygen, despite the low gravity and absence of any discernable plant life.  I wonder why that is?  Perhaps things work differently in this dimension."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it."  Matt jumped high and turned a summersault in the air.  "The writers don't worry too much about scientific accuracy."

"I don't know who these riders are you mean," Lllrij said, "but could you stop cavorting about like that?  We are on an important mission!"

"Right," agreed Matt, walking more normally.  "Oh, is that her spaceship over there?"

"Yes, and there she is, tied to that rock formation!  Oh, Captain Pulsar, don't worry!  I'm Lllrij of Alpha Garnozo Four, and my companion is Stan of Earth.  We're here to save you!"

"Mpfff!" called out Britney.

"The ropes appear to be very strong, Earthling," observed Lllrij; "however, you should have no trouble untying the knots."

"Yes, I untie Marsha-Anne all the time after our damsel games, and these knots don't look too tricky," agreed Matt.  "I still don't understand how we ended up here, but at least we'll get Britney loose without any complications."

The ground shook violently, causing Matt to fall down.

"Mpfff!" said Britney, casting a fearful glance over her shoulder.

"Nothing to be alarmed about," Matt reassured her, bouncing up again; "that earthquake, er, asteroidquake, caught me by surprise."

"Mpfff!" repeated Britney, even more alarmed.

"Why do you keep looking behind you?" asked Matt.  "The danger is in the sky above us.  There's nothing behind you to worry about!"

"Syzygy kill!" roared a loud, deep voice that sounded as if its speaker's mouth was filled the gravel.  The ground shook again.  Striding towards them was an enormous Cyclops, almost fifteen feet high, with dark-blue skin.  He wore a cloak of green fur and carried a wooden club with long, metal spikes.  "Negatron said destroy all intruders who try to untie Britney!"

"Now wait a second," pleaded Matt in alarm.  Syzygy was swinging his club straight at him!

___
Thunk!  Matt and Lllrij jumped back as the titanic club thudded into the ground, sending up a swirl of dust.  Captain Britney Pulsar screamed incoherently as her pair of potential rescuers retreated.   Syzygy followed them closely, bellowing furiously.

"Thankfully, he only has one eye," observed Lllrij as he looked for a safe spot to hide among the unusual rock formations that littered the scene.  "It prevents him from having good depth perception."

Thunk!  Another swing of the club missed wildly.

"I thought we were in the second dimension!" exclaimed Matt.  "There shouldn't be any depth here.  And where did he come from, anyhow?  The writers can't have such an important character show up all of a sudden like this!"

"He has nothing to do with these mysterious riders of yours," answered Lllrij shortly.  "And he didn't show up all of a sudden.  You only read the last page of the adventure log.  Captain Pulsar came to this asteroid on a mission of peace to meet with Syzygy, only Overlord…"

Thunk!

"…Negatron arrived first, and convinced him that she was not to be trusted.  When Captain Pulsar finally landed, she fell neatly into his trap.  Overlord Negatron persuaded Syzygy to stand guard, lest someone attempt to free her."

"It would have been nice had you told me all this before we left!" hissed Matt.

Thunk!

"This is no time for recriminations, Earthling.  We need to stop Syzygy quickly.  If nothing else, one of his swings will strike us by sheer coincidence."

"What a great idea!" agreed Matt sarcastically.  "Why don't you go beat him up?"

"That is not a sensible suggestion, Earthling.  We cannot defeat him physically; therefore, you must find some way to reason with him!"

Thunk!

Matt grimaced, but realized the truth of Lllrij's words.  "Hey, Syzygy, buddy, could you stop trying to smash us for a couple minutes?  I've got something to say to you!"

"Syzygy not listen to words of evildoers!"

"No, but we're not evildoers," countered Matt.

Thunk!

"We're the good guys.  You see, Overlord Negatron didn't tell you something.  There's this, um, asteroid headed this way."  Matt decided it might be best not to mention the antimatter, feeling it would complicate matters needlessly.  "It's right up there in the sky!   He left Captain Pulsar here tied up so that the collision would destroy her, but it'll destroy you as well!"

"Not true!  Negatron Syzygy friend!"  Syzygy looked doubtful, though.  He rested his club on the ground and scratched his shaggy white hair.

"It is true.  Just look up into the sky and see for yourself!" exclaimed Matt, pointing at the approaching asteroid, which was much larger now.

Syzygy stared up, frowning.  "Not understand," he said finally.  "But Syzygy go now to find Negatron.  Syzygy find him wherever he go, even if Syzygy search every corner of universe!"

"Yes, that's a good idea!" agreed Matt.

"And if Syzygy decide Negatron trick Syzygy, Syzygy smash Negatron!"

"Good, good," Matt enthused.

"But if Negatron not trick Syzygy, then Syzygy hunt YOU!" continued the giant, lifting his club meaningfully.  "Syzygy find ape man and green blob.  No hiding from Syzygy.  And then Syzygy smash!"

"Everything we told you is the truth," Lllrij declared, but Syzygy had already lumbered away.

"How is he going to find Negatron, Lllrij?  He blasted off in his spaceship long ago."

"Syzygy doubtless has his own spaceship, which he can use to follow him, so he'll be safe from the collision.  How he will find him is not our concern; our concern is with rescuing Captain Pulsar."

"Mpfff!" called out Britney, seeming to echo Lllrij's sentiment.

"Yes, let's go," agreed Matt, stepping forward and stumbling as the ground trembled again.  He looked accusingly at Lllrij.  "What's going on?  There isn't some other danger around here you haven't told me about, is there?"

___
"That was just the ground vibrating," answered Lllrij tersely.  "Perhaps it was caused by the approaching asteroid.  You must save Captain Pulsar quickly, Earthling!"

"Right," agreed Matt shakily.  He approached Britney once again.  "I'll have you free in a second!  These knots are nothing for me!"  He peeled the tape from her mouth, noticing with surprise the absence of any packing, and then moved around behind her to study the ropes.

"Lllrij and Stan, I'm so glad you came."  Britney looked up anxiously into the sky.  "Please hurry!  I don't think we have much time left!"

"All right, I'm working on it," said Matt.

"You know, most of the guys who rescue me untie me a lot faster than it's taking you," observed Britney.  "Is there some problem?"

"I thought you told me you could untie knots faster than that," added Lllrij.

"I'm working as fast as I can," snapped Matt.  "And besides, you could do something to help instead of complaining, Lllrij."

"I don't know anything about untying damsels in distress, Earthling.  I leave that to you."

"Great," muttered Stan.  "Well, here, your hands are free now, Britney."

Britney rubbed her wrists and waited quietly until Matt finally finished releasing her.  "Thank you, my hero!"  She moved towards him, her arms open for an embrace.

"Excuse me, but you don't want to do that," interposed Lllrij, stepping between Matt and Britney.  "The Earthling already has a girlfriend.  She's Marsha-Anne and very jealous."

"Oh, thank you for preventing me from making a mistake!" Britney exclaimed, stepping back.  "Although, you know, Matt, you really should have said something."

"Thanks a lot, Lllrij," growled Matt in exasperation.

"You're very welcome, Earthling," replied Lllrj, missing the sarcasm.  "Now, we had best leave while there is still time.  Come; follow me, as I lead the way back to our interdimensional portal."

"Oh, are you from another dimension?" asked Britney in excitement.  "I have to come along with you and see it, then!"

"Don't you have a mission here to perform?" asked Matt a trifle uneasily.

"Exploring a new universe is more important," she assured him, as the trio trooped away.

The return to the portal was not without incident.  As Lllrij's sense of direction was completely hopeless, they quickly became lost.  The approaching asteroid grew larger in the sky and the ground shook so hard they could hardly keep their feet (except for Lllrij, of course, who didn't have any) but eventually they found the gateway home and jumped inside.

___
"What a nice place!" exclaimed Britney, looking around Matt's living room in approval.  "Oh, and where's your Martian girlfriend?  I want to meet her right away and let her know how you got mixed up and almost let me kiss you!"

"She's not Martian; her name's Marsha-Ann," corrected Matt.  "And about that kiss, um, I don't think you really need to mention anything about that to her, because, um…"

"Your girlfriend does not appear to be home, Earthling," announced Lllrij.

"Well, there you go, then," said Matt, vastly relieved.  "I'm sorry you missed her, but I'll be sure to let her know that you dropped by, and since Overlord Negatron is certainly plotting some new evil in your dimension, you probably want to hurry back there."

The television suddenly turned on, all by itself.  "Muhahahahaha!" laughed Overlord Negatron.  "So, you meddlers, you thought to interfere with my carefully laid plans and rescue Captain Pulsar, did you?  Well, I've got a little something to pay you back!"

"Negatron!" exclaimed Britney, looking at the screen in horror.  "I don't know what you're up to, but I'll put a stop to it, wherever you are!"

"But you do not know where I am," he replied smoothly.  "And as for what I am up to…."

He raised a hand, causing the recording device to move away from him and to reveal Marsha-Anne.  A bright-red cloth cleave-gagged her.  Her wrists were tied above her head, with a rope running up to the ceiling, out of view.  Her legs were tied together.  She swung precariously, suspended over a large vat.  She pleaded with her large, brown eyes into the screen.  "Mpfff!"

"Marsha-Anne!" screamed Matt, hurrying up to the television.

"Muhahahahaha!" laughed Overlord Negatron as the screen moved to reveal his hideous visage once again.  "Not feeling quite so cocky now, are you, hero boy?"

"You let her go!" Matt ordered furiously.

"Oh, I will!" he assured Matt evilly.  He held up a long knife, its serrated edge gleaming dully in the dim light.  The screen shifted slightly, to reveal another rope tied to the floor near him.  "The rope holding up your girlfriend runs over a beam above us and down to the floor here.  It is the only thing keeping her above that vat filled with a highly toxic substance; direct from my homeworld of Malzhadar Six, it's deathflower sap!"

"No!" exclaimed Britney in shock.  "That's the most deadly poison in the universe."

"Indeed it is," agreed Overlord Negatron smugly.  "For the moment, I insist the young lady remain here as my… guest.  When I tire of her company, however, I will indeed release her… right into that vat of poison!"

Matt glanced away from the television.  "We need to save Marsha-Anne!  Please, Lllrij, do you have the advanced technology to track where the signal is coming from?"

"Indeed, my civilization does possess such technology, which could easily track it," agreed Lllrij.  "Unfortunately, the device for doing so was left behind on my ship when it took off and stranded me on your planet."

"Looks like you're out of luck, hero boy!"  Overlord Negatron shifted the screen, so that once again it displayed Marsha-Anne.  She gazed ahead, hope written in her eyes that Matt would come to her rescue.  And Matt was determined he would.  But how could he, when he did not even know where Overlord Negatron was keeping her prisoner?

Although Overlord Negatron could not be seen, he could still be heard.  "Muhahahahaha!  MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And then the television turned itself off….

TO BE CONTINUED