Caz-ual Encounters

“Now, I want you to understand that I don’t mean anything personal by this, Caitlyn,” explained Caz, reading the security guard’s name off her shiny brass nametag.  The fascinatingly enigmatic jewel thief was dressed all in sleek, black clothing that allowed her to move easily and blend subtly into the shadows.  A mask covered her upper face.  A small bit of her curly brown hair escaped from the tight black cap she wore over her head.  She carried a small black pouch slung across one shoulder.  “It’s just that I have a little unauthorized business here in the natural history museum and I can’t have you interfering.”

“Mpfff!” answered Caitlyn in frustration.  She sat on the cold marble floor of the Rare Gem Room, trussed with white rope, her arms bound behind her back against the leg of a display stand bolted to the floor.  Her legs, tied together, stretched out in front of her.  A simple white bandana filled her mouth with another simple white bandana tied across her lower face.

“All that tugging and straining isn’t going to accomplish anything,” stated Caz mildly, watching Caitlyn who truly was trying to work free and breathing hard through her nose.  “I tied you up much too efficiently for that.  No, the best thing you can do is save your energy, since you’re not going to get free anyhow.”

“Mpfff,” said Caitlyn furiously, but she did subside, contenting herself to giving Caz a venomous glare.

Not that the jewel thief minded in the slightest; the rookie security guard could glare at her all she liked.  It would not hinder her plans to appropriate the legendary Jungle Gem, an enormous emerald of great beauty and the shining star of the museum’s Rare Gem Room.  “Ah, mine at last!” she breathed happily, finishing cutting away at its glass display case and then eagerly retrieving the fabled gem from its perch.

“Mpfff,” protested Caitlyn, watching Caz secrete the gem inside her pouch.

“Don’t worry, it’s almost over now,” Caz assured her, using her diamond-tipped glasscutter to engrave Caz into the side of the now-empty display.  She etched a large C with a smaller  a and z snuggled inside so that the rightmost points of the z connected to the ends of the capital C.  “In a few minutes I’ll place an anonymous call from a pay phone and let the police know what happened here.  So you’ll be untied soon enough, none the worse for wear, and with an exciting story to tell your friends about how you tangled with the notorious Caz!”

“Mpfff!”  Caitlyn watched in despair as Caz quickly slinked away.  It was her responsibility as a museum security guard to do something to stop this robbery, so she started struggling once again to get loose.  Her efforts were just as futile as before, though.  Would nothing stop this intruder from making off with the valuable gem?

“Cease and desist your nefarious activities, intruder!” thundered a deep, commanding voice.

“The Atomic Smasher!” gasped Caz, stopping suddenly.

“Indeed, it is none other than I, that famous defender of all that is right and noble!”  The Atomic Smasher stepped forward, dressed in a mustard-yellow unitard with a long, flowing, crimson cape, matching boots, and a broad utility belt about his waist.  His broad chest displayed his logo, a cluster of small circles surrounded by several ellipses, each containing a smaller circle, all of which was meant to represent an atom.  This dynamic atom was located between a capital A and S.  “I received intelligence that an attempt would be made to heist the Jungle Gem tonight, although….”

He frowned briefly.  “I am surprised to see the perpetrator of this diabolical deed is a woman.”

“And why shouldn’t that be the case?” demanded Caz hotly.  “A woman can be a villain too, you know!”

“Of course, I merely meant that my information was that it would be the Irrepressible Rogue who would make the attempt,” explained the superhero in placating tones.

“Mpfff,” agreed Caitlyn.  She had heard that too, which was why she had altered her navy blue uniform skirt so that the hem was much shorter than regulations permitted, and had deliberately chosen a white uniform blouse that had shrunk in the wash and was now much too small for her.

“Mmmm,” mused Caz.  “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I got here first, so I guess I’ll be taking this rock.  And, as this room is getting entirely too crowded for my comfort, I’m going to leave you now.”

“I’m afraid I cannot permit you to exit these premises with property that does not rightfully belong to you,” intoned the Atomic Smasher.  “Or indeed, in view of your recent illicit activities, permit you to leave at all, unless properly escorted by duly sworn officers of the law.”

“Oh, just how do you plan on stopping me?”

“Amongst the numerous superpowers I acquired due to accidental exposure to that newly discovered and as yet poorly understood natural phenomenon, delta radiation – for I purchased a house within close proximity to a nuclear testing facility, unaware, as I was, of the danger such a location would pose should an experiment go awry…”

“How come none of the workers in the facility became superheroes, then?” asked Caz.

“They all wore proper protective gear at the time of the incident,” he explained impatiently.  “However, as I was not so attired, I acquired numerous superpowers, one of which I find quite convenient in this particular instance.  Furthermore, as actions speak louder than words….”

The Atomic Smasher raised his arms, spontaneously creating several thick strands of hemp rope that flew forward towards Caz.  She gasped in alarm and turned to flee, but the ropes, wrapped themselves around her, dragging her to the ground as they knotted themselves to bind her.  She lay on her stomach on the floor, her arms tied behind her back, her legs tied and drawn up towards her hands, with a short rope connecting her ankles to her wrists.

“Mpfff,” taunted Caitlyn triumphantly, gleefully watching these developments.

Caz opened her mouth the reply, but the Atomic Smasher was at her side in an instant.  He retrieved a blue gentleman’s handkerchief from his utility belt, folded it in half three times, and inserted it in her open mouth before she could get off one word.  He used a roll of gray duct tape to seal her lips shut, pasting several strips running from cheek to cheek across her mouth and then several more running under her chin.

“Mpfff!” exclaimed Caz.

“And now to restore this most precious of artifacts to its rightful position!” announced the Atomic Smasher, gently retrieving the Jungle Gem from Caz’s pouch and placing it inside its display case, frowning at the gaping hole.  “In addition to your more serious legal trial, I fear your actions tonight will also result in a civil trial seeking monetary compensation for the physical damage you have wrought to…”

“Mpfff,” interrupted Caitlyn impatiently.

“My deepest apologies!” exclaimed the Atomic Smasher, leaping to her side.  With his super speed and a razor sharp knife from his utility belt, it took him a mere 3.724 seconds to cut the ropes binding the security guard.  “Are you quite unharmed, miss?”

“Yes, I’m fine now,” she agreed as he helped her to her feet.  “Oh, but I was so frightened!  You should have heard how hateful Caz was to me, taunting me and threatening me…”

“Mpfff!” interjected Caz angrily.  That was simply not true!  In fact, she had done her best to reassure Caitlyn that she meant her no harm!

“…so I thought I would never escape from my ordeal alive!”  Caitlyn shuddered.  “Luckily, though, you showed up and saved me!”  She reached out and replaced one of his muscular arms back around her.  He had removed it once she had stood up, but she suddenly realized her knees were so weak from her ordeal and that she needed his support.

“Indeed, it is most fortuitous for you that I arrived in so timely a fashion,” agreed the Atomic Smasher, looking disapprovingly down at Caz who gazed defiantly back up at him.  “How very sad,” he intoned, shaking his head sorrowfully, “to hear of such foul actions performed by one so fair in appearance.”

“Oh, she isn’t that fair,” objected Caitlyn, trying to lead him away.

“No, she is quite beautiful,” disagreed the Atomic Smasher, gazing more intently at Caz, admiration shining in his deep brown eyes, even though her mask and gag obscured nearly all her face.  “Look at those large, irresistible eyes.”

“Mpfff,” said Caz uneasily, narrowing her eyes and trying to make them as resistible as she could under the circumstances.  The last thing she needed was unwanted attention from someone she considered a completely self-centered jerk.

“However, beauty is only skin deep,” sighed the Atomic Smasher, looking away at last.

“Yeah, right,” said Caitlyn sarcastically.  She quickly covered her mistake.  “I mean, yes, that’s right!  Fortunately, I’m beautiful both on the inside and on the outside!”

“Well, ahem, er, I’m sure you are beautiful on the inside, at least,” agreed the Atomic Smasher hesitantly.

Caitlyn frowned, but decided to press forward.  “Atomic Smasher?  I suppose you can’t tell me your real name, so can I call you Tommy for short?”

“I would be honored to have you address me as such, Miss Fontaine.”

“Tommy, dear, please call me Caitlyn.  You always will protect me, won’t you?”

“Indeed, Caitlyn, your safety shall henceforth be the very pinnacle of my concern!”

“I’m so glad to hear that.”  She pressed up closer to him.  “Although I am a little worried about something.  Being a superhero does not pay much money, does it?”

“It pays nothing at all.  One engages in superhero crime fighting to see justice prevail, not for monetary gain!”

“Very noble,” agreed Caitlyn, snuggling up even closer.  “However, now that you have a girlfriend, it’s time we started considering your financial future.”  She slipped away from him, causing the Atomic Smasher to sigh a little inside; he had quickly grown used to having her in his arms and was already missing her.

Caitlyn traipsed over to the Jungle Gem, once again removing it from its case.  “Now this little beauty should fetch quite a tidy sum of cash – at least, for someone who knows how to arrange such matters.  I’m certain with all your contacts in the criminal underworld you would know exactly where to take it to receive the very best price.”

“Well, yes, but it wouldn’t be right,” objected the Atomic Smasher.

“No, but it would be profitable,” she countered.  “Look, you’re worrying about nothing.  No one would ever know you had taken it.”

“She would,” disagreed the Atomic Smasher, anxiously pointing to Caz.

“Mpfff,” replied Caz.  She had not been idle during this lengthy exchange, but had been methodically examining her ropes, unsuccessfully trying to find some means of escape.

“Oh, yes, her,” frowned Caitlyn.  “Well, you needn’t worry about that.  I know a way we can… dispose of her.”

___
“Nothing personal, Caz,” sneered Caitlyn in a voice that sounded as if it were very personal, indeed.  “It’s just that I’ve always secretly wanted to be a supervillain, but, having no affinity for it, decided to settle for the next best thing; that is, to become the girlfriend of one.  I realize that’s not a very modern attitude to have, but then again, I’ve always viewed myself as being an old-fashioned girl.”

“Mpfff,” replied Caz.  Even had she not been gagged, she would not have known what more to say to Caitlyn’s startling speech.

They were no longer in the Rare Gem Room, but in the grand entrance of the natural history museum, dimly illuminated by security lamps and light from the night sky shining through tall, narrow windows.  It was an impressive welcome to the old building, the roof nearly five stories in height above them.  Artwork depicting scenes of natural beauty decorated the walls.  Subdued signs directed visitors to large hallways that branched off in all directions.

Caz lay on her back, staring up at an enormous glass chandelier suspended high above.  Her wrists were tied above her head, connected to a thick metal rod that supported a placard thanking a wealthy benefactor.  Her legs were tied at her knees and ankles, connected to another such rod.

“Tommy!  Are you about finished up there?!” demanded Caitlyn impatiently, glancing up at the chandelier.

The Atomic Smasher hovered down a few feet, coming into view in the semidarkness.  “Caitlyn, my darling, I have been pondering this matter, and it seems to me that, well, perhaps this particular course of action is not strictly necessary.”

“Well, I feel it is necessary, so get back up there and attach that explosive to the chain holding that chandelier to the ceiling!” Caitlyn yelled up at him.

“Mpfff,” said Caz.  She quietly tested her bonds, but found them just as secure as her earlier ones had been.

“I swear, men are almost impossible to mange,” sighed Caitlyn, watching the Atomic Smasher disappear out of view again above the chandelier.  “He’s not even the one I would have chosen, but he’ll have to do, I guess.  I can see he’s going to require quite a lot of mothering, but I’ll bring him around to my way eventually.”

Harm.  ….  Harm.

From above the chandelier, a bright red light blinked on and then off, flashing on again a few seconds later, accompanied by the sound of an electronic klaxon.  The numerous glass pieces of the chandelier distorted the light as it filtered down, creating an ominous, fiery red glow that abruptly winked away again.

“Those flashes and noises will come closer and closer together as the timer reaches its end,” Caitlyn explained.  “They are quite far apart at the moment, so I guess Tommy gave you more time than was necessary.  I suppose he still hasn’t managed to work all the goodness out of his system.”

“Mpfff!”  Caz stopped examining her ropes quietly and started pulling on them desperately.

“You may as well save your energy,” Caitlyn told her smugly.

“My dearest, I have performed the task you set for me!” announced the Atomic Smasher, landing softly on the floor next to Caitlyn.

“It’s about time, too,” she said impatiently, tossing him the Jungle Gem.  “Come along, then.  I know this museum quite well, and I can think of a few other goodies we can take before we go.”

“Hmm,” mused the Atomic Smasher, remaining still.  He absently rubbed the huge emerald in his hands.  It was all so confusing.  He had arrived at the museum that evening fully intending to battle evil, and yet here he was now, on the side of evil, complete with a wicked girlfriend.  And he was absolutely unclear how it had all happened!

“Come on, already,” insisted Caitlyn.  She took the Atomic Smasher by an arm to lead him down one of the long hallways.  “There’s been a bit of a commotion here tonight and someone might come to investigate.  We need to take care of things quickly.”

“Yes, I’m coming,” he sighed.

“Mpfff,” said Caz, still struggling wildly.  However, she could not feel the ropes loosening even the slightest.  Her mind raced furiously, analyzing her alarming situation.

Harm.  Harm.

The pauses between the hateful soundings of the electronic klaxon and flashings of the red light had already decreased noticeably, causing Caz to become acutely aware that she had little time left.  Yet, despite the seeming hopelessness of her situation, she did not give in to despair, firmly believing that she would escape unharmed.

“Although I can’t imagine how,” she thought, vigorously twisting her body and straining with her arms and legs, trying as hard as she could to slip from her bonds.  The uncomfortable realization came to her that she simply would not be able to escape on her own before the small explosive device high above her detonated, bringing the chandelier down upon her.

“And only two people know I’m here,” she continued, still struggling valiantly as she analyzed her situation.  “Caitlyn has no qualms about what she did to me, although I think the Atomic Smasher may have second thoughts, eventually.  Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s going to have those second thoughts until it’s too late to do me any good.  Besides, I’d rather be crushed by the chandelier than accept any help from that creep!”

Harm!  Harm!

“But I’d rather not be crushed by the chandelier at all.  Oh, isn’t there some way out of this?”

A vague sensation crept into her mind.  Someone had something earlier that night, something that indicated she might yet have a chance.  What was that again?

Caitlyn had said, “There’s been a bit of a commotion here tonight and someone might come to investigate.”

“No, that’s not it,” she thought, thrashing as wildly as her ropes permitted.  “Even if someone does come to investigate, I can’t believe things would work out quite that conveniently for me.  There was something else, though, I’m sure there was.  I just can’t quite remember what it was.”

Harmharmharmharm!

There was no break at all now in the sound and the red light was now a steady glow.  “Whatever it is I’m trying to think of had better happen right away!” she thought.  “I’ve only got seconds left….”

___
That help was closer than Caz imagined, or indeed, that the help itself realized.

“Well, it wasn’t the way I thought the caper would go, but the important thing is that this beauty is mine,” announced the Irrepressible Rogue, tossing the Jungle Gem into the air and catching it again.  He was dressed all in dark colors, including a midnight-black bandana tied over his hair.

This thorough scoundrel had finally made his arrival at the museum for his own attempt at the legendary emerald, quietly entering through a window in the Rare Gem Room.  Retrieving that valuable artifact from the Atomic Smasher and Caitlyn had been no trouble for him whatsoever and he was now walking towards to the main entrance where Caz was struggling so futilely to get free.

“What’s all that noise and red light up ahead?”

Harmharmharmharmharmharmharmharmharmharmharmharmharmharm!

“MPFFF!” screamed Caz into her gag.  She turned her head to the side, vaguely discerning his shadowy form as the Irrepressible Rogue entered the wide entrance to the foyer.

He could not hear her scream over the angry alarm, but he quickly spotted Caz on the ground and instantly understood enough of her dire situation.  He did not waste one second, but dropped the Jungle Gem and reached for the knife tucked in his belt.  He raced to her side, sliced the ropes that bound her to the two small posts, and then rolled, her away, covering as much of her body as he could with his own just as the chandelier smashed on the hard floor with a tremendous crash, showering the foyer with diamond-like shards of glass.

“Caz!  Are you alright?” he asked anxiously, cutting the rest of her ropes and helping her to her feet.

“Mpfff,” she replied, shaking her head yes.  The Rogue peeled loose one side of the strips of tape covering her mouth and then, in a swift and gentle motion, pulled off her gag while Caz brushed pieces of glass off his clothes with a gloved hand.

She removed the handkerchief from her mouth.  “Thank you for saving me, David,” she whispered, for she knew the identity of the Irrepressible Rogue.  She lifted one foot off the ground and rewarded him with a kiss that lingered much longer than she had originally intended.

“That was too close,” she shuddered when they finally separated, and then, spotting a glint of green among the slivers of glass, walked over to retrieve the Jungle Gem from the ruins of the chandelier before returning to the Irrepressible Rogue’s arms.

“The important thing is that you’re safe now,” he decided, thinking angrily of the Atomic Smasher and Caitlyn back in the Rare Gem Room.  “You’ll have to tell me what happened, although later,” he quickly added.  The sound of approaching sirens indicated the police were getting close to the building.

Caz started to reply, but recognizing they had little time to act, took his hand and disappeared with him into the night.

___
“Oh, my head is so sore,” groaned the Atomic Smasher, rubbing his bare scalp gingerly as he slowly sat up.  “How unfortunate it is that the capricious delta radiation, while augmenting so many of my physical characteristics, should have failed in providing me with a thick skull as well!”

“Mpfff,” replied Caitlyn impatiently, feeling, perhaps, that he was understating the effects of the delta radiation.  Now that he was conscious, he needed to untie her!  She sat bound and gagged on the floor in almost exactly the same fashion she had been earlier that evening, propped up against another display leg.

“Although the Irrepressible Rogue bestowed a blow upon my cranium more severe than I feel was strictly necessary, perhaps he did in fact do me a favor, for my head is strangely clear now.”

“Mpfff,” repeated Caitlyn angrily.  “He’ll have plenty of time for introspection later,” she fumed to herself as she heard the police sirens grow louder.  “We can still grab something and make it out of here quickly if only he would hurry up and get me loose!”

“My actions tonight go against every principle I hold,” he continued.  “There is only one thing to do.  As I perceive the legal authorities will be here momentarily, I shall confess my transgressions to them and hope they will choose to deal leniently with me, in view of my past efforts in combating crime.”

“Mpfff,” said Caitlyn uneasily.  There was no reason to confess anything to anyone; they could blame everything on the two intruders.  If only she could get this gag loose and explain that to him!

“As I well imagine they will,” he continued, looking severely at Caitlyn, “since, after all, they will have someone else with whom they will be able to deal harshly.  It was all because of you that I strayed from the path of righteousness!”

“Mpfff!” protested Caitlyn, suddenly getting busy trying to escape from the knots the Irrepressible Rogue had tied so efficiently.  She glanced in alarm towards the large door of the Rare Gem Room as she heard the sound of hurried footsteps and shouted voices.

“And that is what I will make certain they understand!” he concluded.

“MPFFF!”