Caz Gets Started

Caz yawned.  “There’s nothing good on the telly,” she complained to her two cockatiels, Billy and Pippa, who squawked in reply.  They didn’t care too much what was on, just so long as it was colorful and euphonious.

It might seem strange that Caz only had her two birds for company that night, but her husband was the notorious international jewel thief, the Irrepressible Rogue, and sometimes his callings required him to keep odd hours.  Therefore, Caz clicked through the listings, wondering if she’d find an episode she hadn’t seen too many times already.

Pippa squawked again.  “What’s wrong with you funny pair?” Caz asked, getting up to give them a bit of attention.  She glanced over to a collection of small gold statues standing on a nearby shelf. Thee was Zeus with a thunderbolt and Poseidon with his trident, and various other Greek gods and goddesses.  She idly picked one up who held a staff and wore a winged cap and winged sandals.  He was Hermes, the messenger of the gods, the patron of writers and (perhaps because he was associated with speed, trickery, and luck) thieves.  “I think I’ll tell David we’re keeping this one,” she decided.

Billy and Pippa squawked again.  “What is it with you two?”

“Perhaps they hear an intruder,” someone suggested.

She wore all black, even the mask covering much of her face, and carried a large bag.  “Turn around,” she ordered, “and place your hands behind your back.”  She reached into her bag and pulled out a looped rope.  “I’m going to have to tie you up, but if you cooperate, it won’t hurt you any, and once I’m done….”  Her voice trailed off.  “Well, well, what have we here?”

For an instant, it seemed she had forgotten about Caz as she reached out toward the statues, but then she spun around.  “I thought I told you to put your hands around your back.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Caz.

“I don’t think you properly understand the situation.”  She took a step forward.  If she expected Caz to step backward, though, she was disappointed.  “I’m the desperate robber, wanted by the police, who might do, well, anything.”

“What’s your name?” Caz demanded.

“I’m not going to tell you that!  Now, I’m sure you want to do the safe, sensible thing…”

“Not me,” Caz interrupted.  “I crave adventure.”

“Who uses the word ‘crave’ these days?”  The catburglar shook her head.  “Never mind.  You thought you could bluff me by putting on this ‘cool and collected in the face of danger’ act, but it’s time to cooperate now.”

“And why should I?”

“Because I have a gun,” the catburglar said.

“No you haven’t,” said Caz.  “If you did, you’d have used it by now.”

A gleam of light flashed on metal as the catburglar withdrew a snub-nosed pistol.  “Now you know who’s in charge here… ouch!” she shouted, as Caz lashed out with one hand, sending the gun flying through the air.  It skidded across the carpet and disappeared under the sofa.

“I really hate guns,” Caz said, as Pippa gave an angry squawk.

“It wasn’t loaded,” the catburglar said, sounding defensive.  “I just carry it for its intimidation value.  Most people back down when they see it, but you…”

“I’m not most people,” Caz interrupted.  “Now that your plan has collapsed, it’s time for you to make a quick exit.”

“Not without these lovely statues.”

“Get your hands off them!” Caz blazed.

“I’ve had about enough of you,” the catburglar decided.  “If you won’t be sensible and can’t be intimidated, then the only thing left is to tie you up without your cooperation.”

She dropped her bag and leapt forward.  Caz moved aside, quick as a cat, and used the intruder’s momentum against her, dropping her to the floor.  “I’ve had training about this sort of thing,” Caz informed her.

The catburglar jumped to her feet.  She eyed Caz more warily, but leapt forward again.  The results were the same, though, except this time, Caz held her down on the floor and snatched the rope from her hand.  “And you know something else?” Caz asked.   “I’m pretty good at tying knots, too!”

“Don’t you dare tie me up!”  The catburglar twisted, but couldn’t break free.  “Let me go or I shall scream!”

“Go right ahead,” Caz invited.  “You said the cops were interested in meeting you.  Come on, let’s scream together, shall we?  One, two…”

This was pure bluff on Caz’s part.  There was no way she wanted the police in her house, not with the stolen statues standing right out in the open, but the catburglar didn’t know that.  “Okay, fine, you got me,” she mumbled.  She glowered, but kept quiet as she was flipped over and her hands pulled behind her back.

The process of tying up someone who doesn’t want to be tied up is a lengthy one, but to express what followed briefly, Caz eventually bound the catburglar’s hands, and then looped rope about her legs.

Caz fetched a tea towel.  “Open up.”

“You don’t have to gag me,” the catburglar said sullenly.  “You know I won’t call out.”

“No, but I can,” Caz hinted.  “Really loud, so the neighbors will wonder what’s going on here and, yes that’s better.”  She slipped the tea towel past the catburglar’s lips.  Using her teeth, she cut a strip of clear tape and smoothed it over her captive’s mouth.  She tore off several more strips of tape and added them.

The catburglar grunted and twisted her body, rubbing her face against the carpet.

“You won’t be getting that off in a hurry,” Caz observed.  She picked up the bag from the floor.  “Let’s see what you have in here.  Plenty more rope and tape.  Just how many people were you expecting to encounter?”

The catburglar grunted in reply.

“And what else do we have, all wrapped up with care in here?  Hmm.  Most people wouldn’t know what these are, but I do.  I know a bit about the business.  Burglar’s tools, and of the finest quality.  David will be impressed when I show them to him.”

The catburglar banged her bound feet on the floor in frustration.

“Not used to having things stolen from you, are you?” Caz asked.  “I wonder what other goodies you have?”  She pulled out a cellphone.  “Impressive,” she said.  “Too bad I won’t be able to keep it, but at least I’ll put it to good use once.”

“Mpfff?” the catburglar asked.

“We’re going for a drive,” Caz explained, fetching her keys.

“MPFFF!” the catburglar screamed.

“Now, calm down,” said Caz.  “It’s just to the police station.  I’m sure you’ll know better than to mention anything to them about your visit here tonight, unless you want something else for them to charge you with.

The catburglar screamed in anger.  “Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon,” Caz told her cockatiels as she lifted her captive.

She had tried her best to escape, but was still tightly bound and gagged when they arrived at the police station.  Caz opened the car boot and carried her captive, placing her gently on the steps outside.  She drove a short distance and called 101 to let the police know what they could expect.  She sighed as she finished; it really was a very nice cellphone, but she reluctantly tossed it into a nearby litterbin and continued home.

………………..
Caz was busy the next few days, although she kept her work a secret from everyone.  Even David had no idea what she was doing, until several nights later when once again he donned his dark clothing to assume the identity of his alter-ego, the Irrepressible Rogue.

“I’m going out now, darling!” he called out.

“I’m going out too!” Caz announced.

She was dressed all in black, in an outfit similar to that worn by the intruder the other night, one she had made herself.  She carried a bag in one hand, “Filled with the finest burgling tools available,” she explained.

David whistled in admiration as she handed some for his inspection; they certainly were top quality!  Even Billy and Pippa chirped their approval.  “But what else do you have in there?” David asked.

Caz blushed slightly.  “Just some rope and tape.  After all, you never know but someone might object to my visit!”

“Yes, I know how that goes,” David agreed, who always carried some himself on his excursions.

Caz replaced the tools and patted her bag.  “Plenty of room for any goodies I come across, for, from now own, the world will have to deal with Catburglar Caz!”